Comments on: Who lights the unity candle at my wedding if my mother has passed and I am not close to my step mother?

By: VCW

VCW — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 09:47:00 +0000

I would ask your father to light it.

By: D4Pres2012

D4Pres2012 — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 09:47:00 +0000

ug, the unity candle is so sappy. why do you need to do it? if you MUST have it, then your stepmom and your fiance’s mom will light it. it’s to blend the 2 families or something. or why don’t you just have the officiant light a candle at the beginning of the ceremony and say it’s in memory of your mother.

By: Vashti

Vashti — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 09:47:00 +0000

My choices:

1. Ask the mother figure in your life
2. Ask a grandmother to do it
3. Ask your dad to do it

You can incorporate your mom’s memory in the wedding program.

By: Darlene L

Darlene L — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 09:47:00 +0000

I did not do a unity candle, but instead we did an exchange of a rose.
My husband’s mom died eight weeks before we got married and he had a favorite aunt who means a lot to him so I gave her a red rose and he handed my mom a red rose.
I would definitely ask whoever you feel comfortable with

By: My Three

My Three — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 09:47:00 +0000

I did a wedding were the groom’s mother died years before he got married so the seat in the church where the mother of the bride would sit he placed a white rose on the seat and it was very nice.

By: Wifeforlife

Wifeforlife — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 09:46:59 +0000

first, unity candles are just a passing fad and, if it causes you concern, you don’t have that done. Second, this is a ceremony to unite families and it doesn’t need to be the mothers. I’ve seen where moms and dads and sisters and brothers all got up there (kind of a zoo, though). You could have the fathers do it as heads of their families, or the youngest sibling of each of you. If you have sisters and brothers as MOH and Best Man, they could do it. Or grandparents. Or Godmothers. I have also seen where the two side candles burned through the ceremony after being lit originally by an altar boy and then the bride and groom united them after the ceremony. You have loads of options if you really want that ceremony. Just be sure to think long about it. A ceremony is only beautiful if it is meaningful and full of love. If, by having his mom and your dad, or his mom and someone other than your stepmom do it, there will be hurt feelings and it is just not worth it.

By: patron on ice

patron on ice — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 09:46:59 +0000

maybe you shouldnt do the unity candle
just to avoid insulting people.

By: mepeachysweet

mepeachysweet — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 09:46:59 +0000

It is your "DAY" easily the most important day of your life.
It’s your wedding, you invite whom ever your heart desires to light the candle. I would explain to my dad and step-mother that you have a someone else in mind to light the candle. This way she isn’t caught off guard. Congratulation! God Bless you on your wedding day.

By: sheloves_dablues

sheloves_dablues — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 09:46:59 +0000

What about your maternal grandmother? Or a sister or aunt?

In reality, your step-mom IS your mother figure. You don’t have to be close to honor her this way. It doesn’t take away from your deceased mother.

By: Kat

Kat — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 09:46:59 +0000

I thought the bride and groom lighted the unity candle? Well if not that is what my fiance and I are doing we will both have one candle each and then light the big one to signify our unity into a married life.